@michaelianblack: Guy at Dairy Queen was yelling at everybody because they didn't have waffle cones but they had PICTURES of waffle cones. That guy was me.
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@painted_eel: *whispers to old lady at Starbucks* one time they ran out of coffee here and we ate a baby
@SwirlySkittles: Me: These five words I swear to you, when you breathe I want- Him: Stop singing to the mustard Me: *stands up and closes fridge* Whatever.
@iamspacegirl: 'Nothing like a real book' I say 'The scent, pages between my fingers- cracking the spine!' My tree girlfriend's parents sway uncomfortably