@michaelianblack: Guy at Dairy Queen was yelling at everybody because they didn't have waffle cones but they had PICTURES of waffle cones. That guy was me.
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@TheRolo: When I'm in a bathroom stall, please don't yell "Oh my God oh my God there's a guy in here!" Respect my privacy.
@WilliamAder: So, on July 4th, one of the hottest days of the year, we're all going to sit outside of our air-conditioned homes and cook over a fire?
@Mikecanrant: A flash mob has nothing to do with a bunch of Italians in trench coats hanging out at a playground, apparently.
@PaperWash: [interview at a clothing store] be cool, don't let them know you're a dog "so what color is this dress?" oh you gotta be kidding me