@clindsaysway: Guy at the Apple store suggested I turn off my phone once a week, so I slapped his face and ran out of the store crying.
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@BrainFumbles: "Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the tru-" I choose dare, your honor "Bailiff, please hi-five the defendant"
@Hebafouad21: In our wedding, I'll invite his ex and be like "Still believe you can get him back?"
@InternetHippo: Me for many years: I wish my friends were interested in politics Now that all my friends are interested in politics: Oh this sucks actually