@clindsaysway: Guy at the Apple store suggested I turn off my phone once a week, so I slapped his face and ran out of the store crying.
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@tastefactory: If a zombie approaches you, bop it on the nose with a rolled-up magazine and say NO.
@sageboggs: KANYE: I made Taylor Swift famous TRUMP: We should ban all Muslims KANYE: BILL COSBY INNOCENT TRUMP: THE POPE SUCKS KANYE: damn ur good
@peachesanscream: My nephew told me all he wants for Christmas is his dead dog back. Can't WAIT to see his face when I wrap it up and stick it under the tree.