@KenJennings: Guy at the park who just put out his cigar and started doing tai chi is my new fitness guru.
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@IamEnidColeslaw: I do this really cute thing where I yawn right before my girlfriend kisses me so I almost swallow her face
@Sickayduh: Dealer: You followed? Geologist: No man. Its cool. *dealer opens trenchcoat and metamorphic rocks fall out Geologist: Gneiss... Gneiss
@shopkins776: *hand grenades* *blow torch* *AK 47* *sulfuric acid* *ninja training* My Google search history yesterday after I found a spider.