@elenacresci: guy cheats on ex. Ex blocks on all platforms. Unblocks just to send GoT spoilers every week
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@dshack8: My kids can't hear the dog barking for 15mins to come back inside but they can hear me bite into a Pop-Tart from 3 counties away.
@scorpicpanda: Me: "OMG, my abs are so sore!" 12: (sarcastically) "What abs?" Me: "The abs hiding under this protective layer of you're grounded."
@dshack8: My wife is so married that she even stopped blowing out the candles on her birthday cake cause she doesn't want me gettin' any ideas.