@TheToddWilliams: GUY: Do you want to play fantasy football?
ME: Okay, I'm a quarterback with wings
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@Reverend_Scott: GOD: Done. ANGEL: What is it? GOD: A penguin. ANGEL: So it can fly, right? GOD: This one's a swimmin' bird. ANGEL: Dude... are you ok?
@transaParent: I just taped the TV remote to my dogs back so I'll never lose it again. Your move Apple.
@AristotlesNZ: Dont lie about your job, just word it better. Ex: "I handle client transactions at a fortune 500 multi-national corp" vs "I cashier at KFC"
@TonyWIVK: BREAKING: Jennifer Lawrence taking 2-year break from acting. Vin Diesel is also taking a break from acting, but will keep making movies.
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