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@KirstenCatClub: [God Creating Raccoons] God: make a panda but a trash panda, then give it a mask so that people would know it will kill them for their food
@MMFlint: Conan: The US is on pace 2 b the world's largest producer of oil. So if history has taught us anything, the US will soon be invading the US.
@KayRants: If you send multiple one sentence texts, I will mail a raccoon to your face I'm not kidding.
@lonewulf87: Son: Dad, what does 'gay' means? Father: It means 'to be happy'. Son: Are you gay? Father: No, son. I have a wife.