@Playing_Dad: [3am]
*nudges wife* No way the old guy blew up all those balloons in Up in 1 night. Honey, you awake? I mean he's like a million years old.
@ChipKellysBalls: Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? You still have to get up & take the disc out. It's like having a remote to open the fridge.
@neonwario: What did Mozart say to the police clerk? "I'll be Bach" hahaha. What do you mean they're different people
@ThisOneSayz: Me to Hitman: in the bedroom. He is big.
Hitman*pulls gun & enters* where is he?
Me: on the wall!
Hitman: that's a spider
Me: kill it!
@thatdutchperson: [finds sock with hole in it]
*gets angry*
[puts sock back in same drawer]
*repeats forever*
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