@Jesusontwittorr: To all those telling me this account is a sin - Don't worry about it, I plan on forgiving myself later

@jazmasta: *ex GF pulls up to drive thru where I work* "Big mac please" "Would u like LIES with that?!" *my boss dragging me away* "LIES, LUCY.. LIES!"

@ObscuraMentis: People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw orgies.

@lovemydogduck: I will be tweeting telepathically today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.

@bingowings14: Drinking ink won't kill you, you'll just dye a little inside.