@junejuly12: Guy jogging pushing stroller for two kids. But only one there. Don't think he knows he lost one.
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@daemonic3: [1st day as IT guy] CUSTOMER: My laptop is down today, can you help? ME: I'll try [softly, to laptop] Cheer up, bud, everything will be ok
@molly7anne: Picture this. You’re blind folded. Sandra Bullock tells you not to look. You look. You’re surrounded by garbage and dirty socks. But how can this be? It smells amazing? This is a febreeze commercial.
@ClichedOut: pirahna: my tooth is killing me dentist: pirahna: way in the back dentist: how are u even out of water
@huntigula: I take karate classes solely to fight off hobos who mistake my man bun for a delicious cinnamon roll