@donni: Guy on this bus just congratulated his friend for having a birthday. Indeed, congratulations are in order for this unique accomplishment
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@panmidwest: THERAPIST: what's wrong? WIFE: he makes us watch Gladiator every single day! ME: ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?
@U_Want_Shum_M8: I wish I could re-enact the fantasy scenes from 50 shades of grey. Like the one where she gets a job right after college
@CakeThrottle: I ordered my latte wrong at that new gypsy coffee place and now my shadow is a horse shadow