@donni: Guy on this bus just congratulated his friend for having a birthday. Indeed, congratulations are in order for this unique accomplishment
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@EmmaUtters: Someone knocked at my door asking if I would like to donate to the children's home so I just chucked him a few kids
@FrogAvalanche: *National Spelling Bee Final - Spell cyclops. - Use in a sentence. - Cyclops have one eye. *winks at audience - C-E-Y-E-C-L-O-P-S.
@i_zzzzzz: GIRL: There are these two black holes that collided & released more energy than a trillion stars ME: Damn that sucks. I would never do that
@GingerGander: Every year, falling coconuts kill more people than shark attacks, but the families of the shark victims are less embarrassed.