@FatherofTweet: Guy stole my bike so I got in a cab & said follow that guy! He said sure, whats his twitter name? We laughed & hi-fived & I need a new bike.
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@MsFoxIfUrNasty: M: I have what they call animal magnetism. H: *sidles up to me* *winks* Oh yeah? M: Uh-huh. *points to squirrel affixed to stray cat*
@notacroc: [1st date] Her: we should keep religion out of this *religion gets up & leaves the table* Me: see what u did? *I get up and chase after it*
@RandomBest: "I got this." Translated: I most certainly do not have this, but prepare to be thoroughly entertained.
@Book_Krazy: "And why do you want to work at the aquarium?" * imagines me with a mermaid tail swimming in the giant tank after hours* I like fish