@AristotlesNZ: Guy stole my bike so I got in a cab & said follow that guy! He said sure, whats his twitter name? We laughed & hi-fived & I need a new bike
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@Roohani19: Apparently, "he's an army officer" isn't the correct response to "who's your daddy".
@WilliamAder: I have my own version of Whole Foods, where I eat the Whole Pizza, Whole Box of Donuts, Whole Bag of Chips...
@david8hughes: Time traveller: I'm from the future Me: prove it *he pulls out next weeks newspaper* Me: nice try, they've already invented newspapers
@wolfpupy: none of the animals i designed and invented are at the zoo. do they even check the suggestion box