@amishschool: Guy stole my identity this week and I'm like I HAVE A FAMILY YOU HAVE TO TAKE THEM TOO
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@tastefactory: A funny thing to do would be to text random numbers with "I got the live bees you sent, they'll do nicely"
@ninjadinosaur1: I hate when I'm in a room with 3 other people, & I have to shove the entire kit kat in my mouth.
@ashleyaustrew: Dating: *prances around in underwear and his t-shirt* Marriage: *Unzips footed unicorn onesie* Do you think this mole is cancer?