@215potter: Guy threw a banana peel out the window into my lane 2day. Yrs of practice paid off and I arrived to work safely. Thank you Mario Kart.
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@zachreinert03: A lot of people look at Russian roulette as a negative game, but statistically it's actually one of the only games you can't lose twice
@WilliamAder: They found Richard III's skeleton in a parking lot. Time stamp on the ticket stub indicates he owes $8,432,773.
@Jennuflect: [me as a DJ] Where my single ladies at? *drunk responses* This one's for you *turns off music, serious tone* This is a bad place to meet men
@dinokitten: [at Chinese restaurant] "Hi I'll have a large goingon" -What is goingon? "Nothing much, just hungry for some Chinese food"