@IRLPepperMD: [guy wearing a ski mask holds a gun to my head] "please go skiing with me I am so alone"
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@Storminika: My friend just broke up with her man. I really helped her through the break up by letting her know he's no good in bed anyway.
@onelongbender: When my boss is in town, I set out pictures of kids on my desk. They aren't my kids but he'd never fire a Mom of seven, right?
@heatherlou_: I tell my child, "10 minutes till bed!" She hears me say, "Go put on a Halloween costume." Why?