@IRLPepperMD: [guy wearing a ski mask holds a gun to my head] "please go skiing with me I am so alone"
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@panmidwest: CUSTOMER: [handing me a 20] can I have two 5's and a 10? ME: [thinking of the girl who wrote 'never change' in my high school yearbook] no
@sanbay: Vanilla body wash.... smells amazing.... tastes like shit. Someone needs to figure that out.
@itshotterhere: Never trust someone who says you're more important than cheese. It's an obvious lie.