@rickkondell: Guys are at their mathematical best when a girl says she is pregnant.
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@GrantTanaka: [son sees me sleeping outside] son: did you call mom the n word again me: but she IS a nagger
@spicy_peen: What medications do I take? I'm not sure. The names on my neighbor's prescription bottles are ridiculously long
@kwirkyKerri: I don't wish anybody dead, but a well placed nasty rash on you would kind of make my day.