@rickkondell: Guys are at their mathematical best when a girl says she is pregnant.
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@_4kidscrazy: Me: *shakes bosses hand* Sorry I'm late to the meeting boss. Boss: No problem, restroom? Me: Yes, and we're out of TP and hand soap again.
@Reverend_Scott: Meanwhile, at the bar: Batman: "Whisky." Aquaman: "Appletini." "WHAT?" "It's vodka, apple schnapps..." "You're off the Justice League."
@SteveSuckington: "There's approximately a 50% chance there will be weather today." -meteorologists