@NoogsCorner: Guys, check out this cool trick I learned. Take your upper lip and make it touch your lower lip. Now keep them like that.
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@TheTweetOfGod: The odds of Jesus coming a second time are about the same as those of ANY man coming a second time. #amirightladies
@HeyZeus666: With so many unhappy married couples and a 50% divorce rate, I think it's pretty obvious that Americans don't breed well in captivity.
@iGreenMonk: I always put a crouton on my ice cream sundaes instead of a cherry. That way, it counts as a salad!