@Lisa_Laughs_: Guys I have to work a total of like 18 hours today. Someone hold me. Under water.
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@elle91: I saw a man running and started to panic that there was a fire or a bear and then I remembered that some people just do that.
@botandy: when I see a Facebook relationship status 'it's complicated' I imagine love through wormholes over tens of thousands of years, alien biology
@OhNoSheTwitnt: The sign at this gas station says "turn engine off" so I catcalled my engine and its cute friend from across the street.
@Sassafrantz: Me: [opens front facing camera at a funeral and starts crying] "he must've meant a lot to her."