@TheRohiniReddy: Guys, I only wanna hear about your ex if she is dead.If you still talk about her, I'll murder her so we can have an interesting conversation
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@Ideal_Victoria: I replace all the family pictures my coworkers have on their desks with pictures of baby sloths and suddenly I need professional help?!?
@WorkingMom86: *at hostage negotiation class Prof: Let's go around and say why we're here Man: I joined the NYPD Woman: I'm in the FBI Me: I have a toddler
@wittwitbarista: Ever notice how pathetically lonely you are when the person in the next bathroom stall completely ignores your knock knock joke?
@SaltyCorpse: I have to go watch my kid in a math competition and I just don't understand why Jesus has forsaken me like this.