@TheRohiniReddy: Guys, I only wanna hear about your ex if she is dead.If you still talk about her, I'll murder her so we can have an interesting conversation
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@AnOrangeSNES: [Dr's office] "I have Carrie like reflexes" Don't you mean cat-like reflexes? *Dr hits my knee with reflex hammer and I set him on fire* No
@osigat: When I go out in public with my brother; people think he is my boyfriend, which is crazy because we broke up over 12 years ago.
@awkwardphilippe: [creating humans] God: They will have a powerful immune system Assistant: Boring God: ok some will die from eating a peanut A: Nice, nice