@Jake_Vig: Guys, if a girl invites you upstairs for "coffee," first make sure she has coffee, you don't want to get up there and there's no coffee.
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@4boding: My daughter asked me to help her find a job because she’s learned enough in school. She’s 5.
@Sickayduh: DATE: This place is so fancy ME: Ever have a guy splurge on you before? DATE: Well, only when we didn't have a condom
@DrDogMD: PATIENT: Since I got this new job my feet are killing me. DR DOG: What's your job? PATIENT: Mailman DR DOG: *chases him out of room barking*
@iTomFoolery: I mixed coffee with Red Bull, now I can see the invisible things my kitten pounces on.