@Try2StopME: Guys, if you forget your girl's birthday, just look into her eyes and say, "I love you." Then run, because that is not going to help.
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@katiefzack: Whenever I order room service and the person tells me how long until the food arrives, I whisper, "If I'm alive by then," and hang up.
@ericsshadow: STOP TEXTING ME. IF I EVER PLANNED ON TALKING TO YOU AGAIN I WOULDN'T HAVE BORROWED ALL THAT MONEY.
@NikiWithIssues: I really miss Jake. And Clyde. And Marissa. Gina too. I should stop naming my cupcakes right before I eat them. :(
@truegritrumble: SPOUSE: No. ME: It’s just a costume. SPOUSE: You’re not going to your parents’ Halloween party as “the child they wished they had.”