@Scdavis24: Guys, if you have to point your toes to put your pants on, those aren't your pants. Give them back to your sister.
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@squirrel74wkgn: Wife: Heading up to bed *winks* [30 min later] Wife: ...where is he? Me: (laying perfectly still in floral camo that matches the sheets)
@jsaffle1: Funny how old trash yards always have so much razor wire on the fence If I want that trash bad enough no amount of razors will stop me
@jonnysun: CANADIAN: im a canadian DATE: cool i've never met a comedian befor CANADIAN: [is too polite to corect them, dedicates entire life to comedy]
@EJGomez: kanye west: beyoncé is the best there is & she's one of the few true artists of our generation me: kanye: me: how did u get in my room again