@Paxochka: Guys, if you want to make a girl moan, tremble, and scream: be a spider.
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@kiel_phillips: INTERVIEWER: I'm sorry, I don't think you're really suited for the role of librarian BRIAN BLESSED: WHY NOT?
@dshack8: Parents w/ 1st kid: *Peels grape & slices it into 84 tiny pieces. Parents w/ 4th kid: *Gives kid knife & fork to cut their own steak.
@AnneM69: I love people who IM me to tell me that they left a voice message to say that they sent me an email
@Monathais: Husband and wife near wishing well. Suddenly wife slips and fell in the well. Terrified husband: Noooooooooo...I can't believe it's working!