@mrsmith196645: Guys, if your lady tells you she needs windshield wiper blades, SHE DOES NOT MEAN FOR CHRISTMAS!
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@Petote: Just because I am an Italian American doesn't mean my family is in the mob.... It means we used to be.
@geekysteven: ME: "Hey, the 1980s called and they want their pants back" STRANGER WHO IS SECRETLY A TIME COP: "They called?! That's a level 3 violation!"
@TheToddWilliams: [principal's office] "Your child's previous school indicates you're a bit of a helicopter parent." Velociraptor: That's got to be a typo.