@BruceForce: Guys, I'm officially having sex tonight so please don't disturb me between 9.30 and 9.31
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@ieatanddrink: My neighbor put up like $3,000 worth of Christmas lights but I showed him by putting out a nativity scene with like 20 baby Jesuses
@abbycohenwl: Me: I know panty hose are a little dated but I love how they even out my skin tone Bank Teller: So is this not a robbery? Me: No, It is
@causticbob: Beyonce: 'Who run the world?' Generally people who have at least a basic understanding of grammar.