@Easy_Tiger__: Guys remember: if you encounter a girl in her natural habitat, don't panic. She's just as scared as you. Make loud noises, she will run off.
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@SteveSuckington: Lionel Richie: I'm easy like Sunday morning Sunday morning: wow I'm right here
@NicestHippo: "Your evolutionary biology thesis is rejected." Why? "You added (lmao) every time you mentioned Homo Erectus."
@ItsAndyRyan: *Child putting on clothes very slowly while singing* Me: You really need to hurry up – we're going to be late. *Child starts singing faster*
@Fred_Delicious: When my doctor diagnosed me with squid magnet syndrome I had a lot of questi... [a squid hits me in the face at 900mph killing me instantly]