@lilgapeach30: Guys say "never trust something that bleeds seven days and doesn't die" as if something with two heads powered by one brain is trustworthy.
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@Kyle_Lippert: *plugs my phone in to charge when it's at 80%* *lets the low battery warning on my fire alarm beep for 6 months*
@theshamingofjay: A soft drink is just a drink that needs a minute. Just give it a minute, this has never happened to it before.
@daemonic3: An evil villain is on the loose Ant-Man: Yellowjacket again? [giant kid with magnifying glass emerges] Ant-Man: You gotta be kidding me