@TheOfficialTed: Guys wait for the perfect girl, Playboy's fault. Girls wait for the perfect guy, Disney's fault.
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@ParentNormal: VOICEMAIL: I'm sorry I can't come to the phone right now, my toddler typed the wrong password 200 times so I can't try again until next year
@MichaelTrying: Experts are suggesting you wait until 8th grade to buy your kid a cell phone but I didn't even have kids back then.