@TalibJim: Guys WhatsApp status be like "at the gym" since 2014.... Brother are you going to fight Brock Lesnar or just trying to get 12 pack??!!!
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@Ms_WhateverV: A woman stopped me in the street and asked me to show her how to get to the hospital. So I pushed her under a bus.
@3sunzzz: M: The boss left a memo on my desk again about how awesome I am. H: You're a stay-at-home mom. M: Yes, which explains my handwriting.
@RandiLawson: For english press ONE. Para espanol el primo numero DOS. If you like totes can't even right now, obvs press THREE.
@aveuaskew: Today I learned not all people are appreciative of vetriloquism. Especially my gynecologist.