@joeldanger: Guys with ponytails are clearly vampires because there's no way you can actually see yourself in a mirror & still think that looks good.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@3sunzzz: My doctor said I need to drink more water every day, so I have started putting ice cubes in my vodka.
@internetluke: In grade 5 during biology my teacher asked me "what is in cells?" I answered my Uncle Eric and Dad and she made me go home.
@Kelly_skeleton: Asked my daughter to get me a glass of water & she brought me a glass of wine....she's either Jesus or I gotta remember the lies I tell her
@dlockw21: TSA: Sir, you can't bring that bottle of whiskey on the flight. Me: Um, this is my Service Whiskey. See his little vest? TSA: ....