@joeldanger: Guys with ponytails are clearly vampires because there's no way you can actually see yourself in a mirror & still think that looks good.
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@jonnysun: if u went back in time to kill hitler, itd be easier to kil pre-war hitler but then all the germans woud b like "yo why did u kill that kid"
@qwertygirl: People who hit Reply All to 20+ recipients and then say, "Thanks!"--please know, you are going to Hell. Nothing can save you. Nothing.
@abhorrent_wife: Hi, I'm Megan. You may know me from such public encounters with kids as "No, YOUR face is stupid" and "I didn't trip you, you fell".