@WilliamRodgers: Guys.... Women aren't hard..... And if they are... They aren't Women.
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@MarfSalvador: Me: *Puts on skis* I've not done this before! *Nervously pulls on ski goggles* Driving instructor: Please get out of my bed
@Reverend_Scott: Cop: Know why I stopped u? Cuz u JUST CAN'T FIGHT THIS FEELING ANYMORE? Cop: I'VE FORGOTTEN WHAT WE STARTED FIGHTIN FOOOR For speeding.
@SamGirlSunday: If Kim Kardashian & Snooki were drowning & I could only save one, I'd have a hard time deciding whether to make a sandwich or take a nap.
@GrantTanaka: Wife's been away since thursday, we ran out of spaghetti-o's on friday, ate the dog yesterday, burned photo albums for heat today, pls help