@gvicks: Guys.You can't make everyone happy, so just concentrate on me
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@forcemajeure40: Apparently when I'm at Olive Garden I'm family. So why did they call the cops when I left without paying? My family never makes me pay.
@HollyMemphis: Praying mantis walks up to his buddies with no head, "Guess who got laid last night?"
@T_Bonezzz: Cop: Know why I pulled u over? Me: Know why I pulled u over C: Stop that M: Stop that C: Wanna go to jail? M: Wanna go to jail? C: No.. errr
@audipenny: I looked at a shelf once online and now every ad is like "SO YOU LIKE SHELVES??????" and everywhere i go i think a shelf is following me