@jjmick45: GUYS: you need to be nicer to women,if you dont believe me just google "woman stabs" and see how many stories come up.
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@NoticablyBacon: *Meeting GF parents* What are your intentions with our daughter? Uh I need someone to sing the girl parts of Grease songs with me
@itweetmaya: If Obama wins I'm leaving the country. If Romney wins I'm leaving the country. This is not a political Tweet I just want to travel.
@rickolantern: When you're on a diet everything smells like cookies. Except the guy beside me on the city bus. He smells like sardines Delicious sardines
@BatBatshitcrazy: Don't you dare look at me with that come hither stare; I haven't hithered in years.