@LnL245: Ha, I told my brother that carbon had seven protons and he believed me. He was mean to me when we were kids.
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@Playing_Dad: [Cops at crime scene] Cop 1: Criminal scum. They must have taken every single toilet. Cop 2: Wow, they really left us nothing to go on.
@SocialExtortion: fun prank: text a girl "we need to talk right now" and then throw your phone into a river
@joshgondelman: Accidentally opened Excel. Decided to roll with it and get my life together. See you all never.
@GrantTanaka: black friday is crazy, I just maced a kid then some old woman shot me with a crossbow