@NATxHAN: Had a 6" sammich from subway today, and it totally didn't fill me up. I get it now ladies, and I'm so, so sorry.
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@iwearaonesie: *SNAP* *wife screams* *walks over to me* *cups my face with her hands* *looks me in the eye* "why is there a mousetrap in the fridge?"
@JohnLyonTweets: Her: Hi hun. Atilla: [under breath] I told you not to call me that in front of the men. It might stick.
@iamspacegirl: pros of being a jellyfish: -gelatinous body type. -tentacles. -sting the shit out of anything that tries to hug you. -low expectations.