@jaxxygrant: Had a bad mixup at the store today. Cashier said strip down facing me. Apparently she meant my credit card.
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@jrza84: I guess knocking on random dressing room doors in a department store and asking "hey, can I see how you look?" is frowned upon.
@upsidedowntrash: After a long journey Frodo and Sam arrive to return the One Ring to the fires of Mt. Doom Frodo: Dude dont be mad, but I forgot the receipt
@Reverend_Scott: Robin: "Let me drive the Batmobile!" Batman: "Never. I'd rather let Superman." *wall breaks down* Superman: "OMG really??" Batman: "No."
@abrosenthal: A study found that Buzzfeed is the least trusted news source in media. Serves them right for telling me I belong in Hufflepuff.