@jaxxygrant: Had a bad mixup at the store today. Cashier said strip down facing me. Apparently she meant my credit card.
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@trumpetcake: My new coloring book, How To Tell The Woman You Love You've Been Living In Her Shrubs For A Year, comes out on tUESsdhay martha i love you
@kashanacauley: Can't believe there are so many songs about love and only one where someone welcomes someone else to a jungle.
@pstamato: "What if something fell off your glass every time you picked it up? That'd be great." - The inventor of coasters