@SpokeAna: Had a breakthrough with my therapist yesterday.
Never seen a man cry like that before.
@david8hughes: [board meeting]
"So Mr Parachute do you have a name for your invention?"
"I call it the 'Makes the Ground Come at You a Bit Slower'."
@ceejoyner: Keep yelling "dance!" and shooting at my feet, tough guy. I studied tap for 9 years and you're going to look like an idiot.
@pleatedjeans: Forget a beach bod I want a bat's bod give me giant fangs and the long, leathery wings I need to rule the night
@KenJennings: SERIOUS TWEET: help I just put on hand lotion and now I can't get out of this room
@Weird_Rash: Just got arrested for racing my Segway wearing an adult diaper and a Viking helmet. Still not clear which law I broke.