@TylerLinkin: Had a date with a lady I met on Christian Mingle. It was going fine until I told her I was Jewish & her half of the bill was $40 dollars.
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@AristotlesNZ: OH GOD! BOB IS HAVING A HEART ATTACK! QUICK SOMEONE CALL A TEMP AGENCY. I'M SURE AS HELL NOT DOING ALL HIS WORK.
@DanMentos: “Hello, Pizza Hut” Hi, how many slices are on a large pizza? “eight” And a medium? “eight” *long pause* I’d like to speak with your manager