@DurtMcHurtt: Had a dream some of my friends were mooning me, woke up at the crack of Don.
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@ShutUpThatsWho: [first karate lesson] Me: *entering dojo* BONSAI!!! Sensei: Do you mean 'Banzai'? Me: *just starts chucking little trees at Sensei*
@badbanana: If the shoe fits, wear it. And if these shoes belong to someone else, walk away briskly.
@WilliamAder: I wonder if those Gmail password hackers know how much my dog hates having to learn a new name.
@iAmDelFreaky: Her: OMG! You didn't feed my cat while I was away? Me: Do you remember that time you didn't harvest my crops on FarmVille? Now we're even.