@Carmel_Coleman: Had a girl say "I want you to treat me like a virgin" So I sacrificed her to a tiki god and threw her in a volcano.
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@pinupteacher: Hey baby, lemme see what's under that shell. Ugh, as if. *Lady turtle starts walking away.* [3 hours later] I still see you there baby.
@MikeOdenthal: The best writerly advice is to start each paragraph w "Here's somethin for ya!" as the reader is now engaged & will follow you anywhere
@justabloodygame: [commercial for Facebook] *man sits in tree, watching friends from high school through binoculars* "Don't you wish there were a better way?"
@shariv67: God is like Justin Bieber. I have nothing against him personally, but his fan club is super annoying.