@scorpiusryan21: Had a skype interview yesterday and I completely avoided the fact that I am actually a centaur
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@lisaandtots: Hit 1,000 followers and a 100 star tweet on the same day! Do you know what that means?! 900 of you don't read my shit.
@AndyShulk: When I see a flash mob in public I immediately join in to make it seem like they didn't practice enough.
@BradBroaddus: My kids are very optimistic. Every glass they leave sitting around the house is at least half full.