@tigersgoroooar: Had an epiphany today.
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@Playing_Dad: [At a One Direction concert] No, I'm not a...I SAID NO I'M NOT A BIG ONE DIRECTION FAN I JUST HATE MYSELF AND FEEL THE NEED TO SELF PUNISH
@TurnpikeTony: I really don't get Astrology but I just hope my daughter stays a Virgo until she's at least 18.
@abhorrent_wife: Being a parent means hiding in a closet to eat a donut so you don't have to share.
@ericsshadow: THERAPIST: what's the problem? WIFE: he replaces words with animal names just to annoy me ME: I don't do it on porpoise