@McNevich: Had pumpkin flavored coffee this morning and immediately signed up for a Zumba class and kidnapped 2 kids and drove them to a soccer field
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@Adam14: When people say "Let's not get off on the wrong foot here", I reply "Please don't get off on either of my feet".
@agathagotstoned: May you always be the one looking confused standing in the back of a group selfie
@The_MartiniGirl: The sampler tester at the liquor store told me to stop coming back every hour in a disguise.
@iGreenMonk: Because of Twitter, people use words like Twitterverse, Tweeple, and Twitcide. Which makes me want to twoot myself in the face.