@ceejoyner: 2 halloweens ago I was brutally owned by a small child when I answered my door in normal clothes and she said "nice lumberjack costume."

@TheCatWhisprer: I just laid on my cat's keyboard while he was working on a last minute PowerPoint presentation.

@Adar79Angie: Joined a gym once. 12 bystanders were injured. So much blood. 2 people renounced their faith. At night I still hear the treadmill screaming.

@stevevsninjas: Daddy will my cockatoo go to heaven? - Heaven is a place of serenity and joy, right? *nods, wiping tear* - Then Mr. Shrieks won't be there.

@BlazedDonuts: Apple: Words with Friends Twitter: Words w strangers FB: Words w relatives Ouija: Words w dead friends Prayer: Words w imaginary friends