@LousyBastard: Had sex with my nephew's English teacher. Texted her the next day "Last nite was grate. Your so awsome!" so I don't have to see her again.
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@JaneBadall: I've set my hair on fire lighting a cigarette before, so I'm always impressed when the movie-hero walks away from an explosion unharmed.
@Joe_Schmuck: "I'll Knock You Into Next Week" have black mothers invented time travel? Details at 11. #ABCReports
@Merman_Melville: Why does the couple at the beginning of a scary movie always have to be happy & sexy why can't it be like, Pat & Deb, 56 & 54, IBS sufferers
@therealeatwood: BAD COP: Throw the book at him. GOODREADS COP: OK! Check out Ruby, the beautiful and devastating debut novel by Cynthia Bond. ★★★½