@MarioInAZ: Had this weird dream last night that I was Superman, but I was only able to fly really low to the ground because I'm chubby.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Gennefer: I like the idea of almond milk, but then I can't get the image out of my head of someone milking a nut.
@VanGobot: Judge: Guilty! *bangs gavel* NINE MONTHS LATER *gavel holding freaky gavel-human hybrid baby* Judge: *tears welling up* ..he has your eyes
@usedwigs: Your Google Self-Driving car should be taken away if you don't let your dog sit in the driver's seat while you hold a map riding shotgun.
@DanielRCarrillo: If your opponent cracks his knuckles before a fight, have comfort knowing that osteoarthritis will, in due time, avenge your savage beating.