@MarioInAZ: Had this weird dream last night that I was Superman, but I was only able to fly really low to the ground because I'm chubby.
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@iAmDelFreaky: I was sad to lose an arm wrestling match to a woman, but I felt better after I found out she was a man. Then sad again because we had sex.
@qwertying: My son managed to lock the car with my keys still in the ignition. He suggest a coat hanger. I said we’re a few years too late for that.