@MrGeorgeWallace: Had to put a scarecrow on my wind farm 'cause crows were eating all the wind.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@iwearaonesie: [3 am] toddler *steps on my face trying to sneak into the bed* me: You are the worst ninja ever
@Donnie_Fairburn: "Umm, what are you doing? Can you not? Seriously, get off me!" - The first horse ever ridden (probably)
@millercycle: Whenever I’m pissed off at my wife, I go to the thrift store and replace her favorite jeans with the same style two sizes smaller.
@JediGigi: Him: When I suggested we try a little role play, this is not what I had in mind Me: [in Jabba the Hutt costume] JUST PUT ON THE GOLD BIKINI