@FredPollack: Had trouble sleeping today. They added a trumpeter to this morning's church service.
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@david8hughes: [baby wakes up in the middle night] "Go back to sleep, hun. I'll sort it out." [puts baby on eBay]
@kerihw: Scientist: But WHY is the bee population dying? Scientist: No idea. *eats bee* Scientist: Did you just eat a bee? Scientist: *eats bee* No.
@pakalupapito: dont judge a person by the color of their skin or by the content of their character but by the shape of their eyebrows
@anerdonfire2: Just so you know, you will be asked to leave the funeral if you do a drum solo on the coffin...no matter how epic it is