@tarashoe: haha remember when you were a kid you'd hide inside the clothes racks at stores. can't do that as an adult. someone's stupid kid is in there
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@JimmerThatisAll: Zen master: Do you possess the Buddha nature? Me: Well, I've spent 49 days under a tree. But that was just laziness.
@QueenofSparta: Him: I like nerds Me: So if a train is going at ten miles an hour west, and another train is travelling 50 miles an.. Him: not like that
@SSDated: Me: *crawls in window* Him: What are you doing?! Me: You're my boyfriend now? Him: I'm calling the cops Me: But you retweeted me??
@murrman5: dave is coming to play poker "dave from college or dave who walks like he's in a video game?" [dave takes 3 tries to walk through open door]