@dubstep4dads: "haha! silly rabbit! trix are for-" *rabbit puts a gun to the kids head* who are they for billy. tell me again who they're for
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@SondraDeeMe: [first date] ME: I'm from a broken home. HIM: When did your parents divorce? ME: No, they were hoarders, and the second floor collapsed.
@SeanINCypress: Beer is so smart that if you drink enough, right around your midsection, it builds a shelf for you to rest bottles on.
@Sean_Burgundy_: When I'm bored I like to call in sick to places I don't work for. I'm getting written up at Home Depot
@Fred_Delicious: Comic Sans walks into a bar. Barman says "sorry we don't serve your type in here"