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@kumailn: Twitter 1 Act: -Person misreads sarcasm -You point out it's sarcasm -"I know I was being sarcastic back" -Sharpen pencil, jam it in own eye
@slimmy_shady: Wife smelled eggs and thought I was bringing her breakfast in bed. How do I tell her it was just me with gas?!
@StellaGMaddox: According to the 2nd law of thermodynamics, when parents relax, children must increase the amount of disorder in the universe to compensate.