@OnlyFastEddie: Hair pulling during sex is hot unless the whole wig comes off.
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@amishschool: My office has started random urine testing of employees to detect traces of hope or optimism.
@RobElliottComic: When I order delivery online and there's a "Notes" box I put "Ring bell, Cross moat, SLAY DRAGON" *Puts on dragon costume *Waits in bushes
@JediGigi: I just heard my roommate mixing some beats except I don't have a roommate and it was my cat throwing up.